Wow. We're here already.

Hello everyone. Long time no see, right? Well here we are, NaNo finished, and into the last week of term.
Yes, everyone, that means I did NaNo, and yes, I won! 50,012 words (or 50032 according to scrivener) down on the page. The ending is rather a confused bundled mess, but who cares, right? Its all done and dusted. My main character found what she was looking for, the other main character died, her nan isn't quiet the crazy old woman I had planned, with some cracking NaNo-isms spread around (my favourite of my own being "forgotted", though that doesn't even come close to some of the NaNo-isms from the region) and I'm apparently unable to spell anymore after smashing out 10k in about 4 days but hey.  I'M DONE!

In terms of other things... jeez, I can't even remember all the other stuff that has been going on.
So you all know about Remembrance Parade. I've done all that the last two years, so I'm not really going to go into it in much detail, but basically, weeks of rehersals culminating into the parade, then we wait around, have our two minutes silence, wait around some more, have inspection, eat and wait some more, parade back, hang around with the important folks for a while, eat, then party.
There was the incidence of the broken fiddle. So yeah, broke a peg on my fiddle. Not such a big deal, but when it went to get fixed, the guy who fixed it also noticed a crack in the body of the fiddle moving out from the right F-hole. That is unfortunately a more serious problem. For now, its small enough that, as long as it doesn't grow any bigger, its better to just leave it, but if it starts growing bigger, it will be a case of trying to fix it sooner rather than later. So treating my fiddle gently at the moment. In fact, I probably haven't been playing as much as I should what with NaNo and Uni and everything else.

The weekend afterwards, I went to a youth band practice in Dollar. Was strange not to have it in Glasgow, but it was also nice not to have to travel so far. It was vaguely frustrating, but what can you do?

The weekend after that, the Pagan society went on a trip to Edinburgh. With all the bus delays and issues, while we were meant to be there at nine, only two of us were, and it was midday before everybody arrived. We did, however, get to see the dungeon, and go shopping in the christmas market, and the grassmarket. Though we had less time than planned, and I arrived home exhausted, it was an excellent day.
The Youth band concert, the next day, however, was a different case. I spent most of the day frustrated at how people seemed not to know what they were playing or what was going on around them. We're meant to be the best in the country. I can't help but feel for most of them, their own competeing bands wouldn't stand for that sort ofthing.

The monday, the Pagan society had Spirit in for a Shamanic Energy Dance session. It was AMAZING! That is all I will say on the matter, only I've not felt the same since, and for the better. He certainly knew what he is doing, anyway. The experience was like nothing else I've ever had the opportunity to be a part of. I'd highly reccommended him, any day. I hope to have another session with him at some point in the future.

The weekend after, was the second youth band concert. Much better than the week before, but whether that was up to my better mood, I don't know. I was disappointed that the development band drummers were using music. I'm always disappointed when any drummers use music, as a matter of fact. If you have a concert organised, you should know what you're playing, so you can then concentrate on things like tempo, ensemble and the emotions that make music real music and not just a mash of sound.. Just like in an orchestra, by the time you're on stage, you know the music back to front and spend a lot more time looking at your conductor than the music (at very least, in my own experience). In pipe bands its incredibly important, else the ensemble can dissapear in an instant, and the pipes, being in front, usually can't exactly watch the leading drummer for a tempo, and nor should they have to. The pipers have to learn music by heart, and as a drummer, I believe we should too. A grade 1 band (in fact, ANY band) wouldn't walk onto the competition ring with sheet music. We shouldn't have one at concerts either, because you're trying to showcase your band.
Rant over...

Then we had the Trad Awards in the music hall. I maintain the Music Hall has the worst acoustics for pipe bands, and the worst soundmen I have thus far come across. How is it, that with "better and better" sound technology, a few people seem to be so able to ruin even the best of bands. That, and we spent the entire thing at a table stuck behind a huge TV camera. £60 a SEAT to see absolutely nothing, and hear only the badly reflected and distorted sound bouncing around the weird domed roof. A few years ago, the trad awards were great - a night to remember. Many people have so far said that this year has been the worst yet, and its turned into a money-making exercise rather than the non-profit celebration of good music and musicians all over scotland that it used to be. Ah well. Its over now. No need to drone on with the disappointment.

The weekend after that, I went off to Switzerland. The trip was excellent. Sure, a couple of nights were somewhat ruined for me, but mostly through the fault of my own band members. I spent much of my free time socialising both with old faces and new, from various other bands and groups. The great thing about tattoos are that there are so many other great people going around that it doesn't even matter if your own band are getting on your nerves.
The folk I met and spoke to got me through the anniversary of my uncles death and the prospect of my holiday, Yule, away from my family.
And on top of it all, I got a confirmation that I GET TO GO TO THE BASEL TATTOO IN THE SUMMER!!! Yes, really. :) a great trip with great people. I can't wait to go back.


Now, after a family christmas, I am sitting at home attempting to study. I have to say, I hate studying over the holidays. Its much harder when everybody else is celebrating.
I know this post has been a bit all over the place, but oh well - thats what happens when I'm away for months at a time. While I catch up on my fellow bloggers posts I've missed over the last while, I'll bid you a happy new year. See you in 2014.

Afternoon.

Hello everyone. I'm taking a very quick break to eat and give you a little update on goings on.
 NaNo has been interesting so far. I wrote loads on the 1st, barely anything on the 2nd, the daily goal for the 3rd, again for the fourth, and less than I should have for the fifth. I'm currently peaking at 9000-odd words, and should really be reaching 10,000 today if it wasn't for my studying for tomorrow's exam.
Im currently in full revision-mode for signal transduction, so I'll try and catch up as close to 10,000 as possible in my study breaks. (talk about efficiency, right?)
At the moment in my story, Cassie has left her family behind, and has had some interesting encounters on the way. Nick (a childhood friend, and now a thief) followed her, and has just saved her from the first chasers. Now it's time for them to go North, together (for the first time since the start.)
I'm kind of worried my plot is going to run out towards the end, but the advantage of multiple points of view is that you can kill off an important character without destroying the narrative. We'll see how many people die at the end - it's difficult for me to know already without all the spontaneous plot-twists and weirdness I insert as I write. It's going to be a surprise.

For the rest of you NaNo'ers, keep writing. We will get there (or at least we'll give it a darn good go).
I'm going to walk home and do the rest of the revision there. The library is a bit of a pain at night, when the darkness seems to suck all the light out of the floor-to-ceiling glass windows.

Almost there...

In my glass: Hot chocolate
From my iPod: Updated Novel-writing playlist
From my bookshelf: Pharmacokinetics
Outside: dry, dull
My mood: In a world of my own
Today's hairstyle: Nautilus on wet hair

Happy Samhain everyone! Yep tonight is due to be a real feast.  I love Samhain. I mean, sure, Hallowe'en is overcommercialised, and an excuse for everyone in town to party, but the atmosphere of the holiday still lurks behind all the stuff that goes on - something which is lost on many other holidays. And some people still have the creepy outfits going on, which is always great fun. I got back all my books, and most of my alter stuff from back home and brought it back up North this morning.
 I also gave one of the Larimar pieces I ordered a good hand-polishing and it came up beautifully, turning from a dull, scratched sky blue, to a beautiful deep sea-blue with light patterns as I cleared up the surface scratches and let the light shine through the stone.
I don't know if I'll polish the rest. I kind of feel like hand-polishing it myself puts a lot of my own energy into it, which might not be what someone needs if I were to give one to one of the others at the Pagan society next week, which I definitely plan for one piece that doesn't quite fit my needs. The rest I might clear up some of the way to at least get an idea of the true colours. Larimar is running out over there in the Dominican Republic, so even the pieces that are not right for my uses might be worth something in a short while. And if not, they're still definitely beautiful stones - like the sea is trapped inside.

On a different tack - I think I need to get my marcasite ring re-filled. I only have 11 out of 39 of the tiny stones left, and a couple of those are even crumbling from almost 30 years worth of age and wear by various members of the family. Even the hallmarks are starting to wear away on the inside. In a way though, I've grown used to the dark spots left where the marcasite once shined. Even when I first got it, many of the stones were missing. It would seem off to fill them in with the shine of marcasite. Hmm. Need to think about that.

NaNo starts tomorrow. I still feel like I'm an idiot for trying this year, but it still hasn't changed my mind. I will literally only be trying to keep up with my daily word count though, because i have exams next week and at the start of December to revise for, and lab reports to be written. Oh the joys. Why do I put myself through this?
My uni friends are pestering me about last years novel. I keep telling them I've only got as far as editing part 1. The rest is still a first draft, and a hole-filled one at that. I might do some editing later today once I've done some revision on Signal Transduction and Pharmacokinetics.

I need to head to the Zoology building this afternoon to pick up my marked assignments and a book from the course coordinator (since he seems to have loads, and the library have none, so we are signing them out from him so we have something more substantial to revise from) later on today.
See you all later, guys

A week to go.

So. Only a week to go unitl Samhain, and the start of NaNo 2013.

We have the kick-off party this weekend, to do some final planning (probably good, since my planning is vastly behind for writing this year. I had Scrivener all set up and ready to go this time last year, but this time around, I haven't even got around to allocating chapters yet. I just have a beginning and an end, and some stuff in the middle (which I guess is the definition of a book, but I'm a planner - winging it doesn't work for me). So far, I have Cassie (the main protagonist), Mr Shull (a "scientist", the main antagonist), Nick (A second point of view, Cassie's best friend, who may or may not be destined to die at some point in the book - if I get stuck, he may be killed off, but I would need to add someone else to give the secondary point of view), Hilde (Cassie's odd grandmother who lives up in the North), a Priestess who is fairly integral to the storyline, but doesn't have a name yet, and a bunch of side characters.

NaNo may stop at any time during the next month, if university takes over, which it likely will at some point, seeing as we have a mock exam in the first week. Ugh.
Someone remind me why I'm such an idiot as to think this is a good idea.

Next week I am going home, for a day with the family. I will have to be up at the crack of dawn to get back in time for university, but that seems to come with the territory. In any case, it means I get to go home and grab my books and things in time for Samhain, since I've been somewhat missing them, even though I rarely have time to read. The new Pagan society are having a celebration on the 2nd with a bunch of other societies. I don't think I'm going. I have U-coy dinner that night, and if I did go, I can't help but feel slightly put-off by the notion of getting a "proper priestess" in. Perhaps because I've been going it alone all my life as far as religion is concerned that it feels awkward and odd to think of someone else being in charge. It may be awkward trying to suit everyones beliefs too, since we are so varied. I'll celebrate on Samhain anyway, but I think U-coy has won as far as the weekend goes.

We actually get to chose our food for U-coy this year, which makes a huge difference. I often swither back and forth about dinners with the OTC, because there is just so much food that I feel obliged to eat, even though I literally can't eat that much, but this year it seems to be different. I chose melon for the starter and Cod fillet for the main, since I think my stomach will fare much better with relatively light food. I might even have space left for Sticky Toffee Pudding at the end.

I'll leave you all for now. I have to head down to the OTC building to collect my uni book that I left in my locker by accident. I believe I may need to update some details anyway. I have our regular NaNo meet tonight, so we'll be trying to think up and share dares, ideas and plot-bunnies and fill in flat characters and gaping plot-holes (so far we have a challenge for a busy character called Suzi, who plays a part in your novel by nudging people in the right direction. She can be a person, animal or machine who helps out when your characters are stuck, lost or in danger, though not always in the way your character would like.)

Anyway, goodbye guys. :)

Updating my music and writing like a beast

In my glass: Jasmine Green loose-leaf tea
From my iPod: Updated/extended Novel-writing playlist
From my bookshelf: Pharmacokinetics
Outside: Wet.
My mood: kinda vague and indecicive, though I don't know what about
Today's hairstyle: English braid (plain and simple for one of my very few days pottering about the house doing chores and uni work)

Ok, so today, I discovered I write like a beast when listening to Die Fledermaus, and the Barber of Seville. Who knew? Ok, so maybe it was more like I just lost track of time, since uni lab reports still took me all day, but it wasn't nearly as horrendous when I had some good music going in the background. Its henceforth been added to my Novel-writing playlist, along with the 1812 overture (which I'm currently listening to - memories of Basel tattoo finales), Carnival of the Animals, the Marriage of Figaro, a bunch of stuff by Tchaikovsky and Mozart (because they make beautiful music), general "Tom & Jerry"-type classical music (because you know - Tom and Jerry is helluva responsible for a lot of things - Classic FM was frequently referred to as "Tom & Jerry Music" when my brother and I were kids), Swan Lake Music (again, Tchaikovsky), Clair de Lune (Probably one of my favourite piano pieces ever) then breaking away from the classical theme, Wake Me Up, Thrift Shop, Let Her Go, Blurred Lines and Levitate (another great tune).

So yeah. Other than music, life has been pretty damned boring. I finished off my lab report. I have lectures and tutorials tomorrow, I've to buy ink for my printer which decided to print all the grey areas in yellow this afternoon (though still printed the black as black - go figure), and more paper since all this printing of lecture notes, lab reports, manuals, and general uni stuff has made a fair dent in my paper stack.
Whoever thought computers would see the end of all paper notes? Ha! I beg to differ.

I should probably get to bed so I can get up for my long day tomorrow. I know this was a short one. If I have time, I'll try and write to you some more, though I'll probably be planning for NaNo (yes, I'm stupidly still thinking of trying it, albeit that I'm totally stressed out half the time and have an exam mid-November. So don't shout at me if I dont write. I promise I'll try my best. I'll try my best to keep up with you too, but that isn't guaranteed either.
See you soon folks, hopefully. :)

Waiting in the library

In my glass: Summer Berry herbal tea
From my iPod: Last years Novel-writing playlist (well, its good music)
From my bookshelf: Pharmacokinetics (Maths galore! oh the joys...)
Outside: Wet. And that annoying temperature too hot to wear coats, and too cold to go without.
My mood: bored
Today's hairstyle: Nautilus with 60th street 2-prong fork

Guess who got a new camera (well, new to its new owner anyway)? Thats right,me! I'm afraid I don't have pictures to show you yet though, since I'm waiting for a cable that was missing to arrive. That and the light with this weather is crap. So many gorgeous colours, but theres stupidly little natural light. I'm tinkering with the aperture and what not, but I'm still getting used to the ins and outs of a DSLRs manual controls.

It came with two lenses. The lens on the camera is a 38-70mm, and the other was a 55-300mm. Is it any surprise I love the big one better. I got a couple of good macro shots eventually after a while, but my bee had flown off by then and I was left with just flowers. No matter. I'm sure a bit of messing with different settings will help me get to know this thing a little better. I can't wait for our beautiful winter skies. They're usually far more interesting than the occasional boring blue or continuous dull grey. Or the snow. I may need to get some filters for snow shots, since I know from experience that they can come out a little over-exposed (mostly from when I played with my dads camera - he uses a bridge, and mostly uses the auto function). Changing the ISO might result in darker areas over the rest of the image, so filters seems a good option.

So today, I am going to the second meeting for the University Pagan society. Its funny how when we get together, theres actually a surprising amount of us - theres enough of us to qualify as a society anyway. No idea what we'll do tonight. Last week was great - we just sat, drank lose-leaf teas and chatted to get to know one another (we are from all over it seems, with a decent range of beliefs too). I took some loose-leaf jasmine green tea with me today for later since I have far too much at home to drink by myself.

Being truthful, its a little weird for me. All my life, I've kind of been alone in my beliefs and religion. My mum was a christian (though not all that devout) and my father and brother are either atheists or agnostics (I think its more they don't care much to decide whether they believe or not. Maybe they did decide, but I missed that part). My friends at school were either christians (some devout, others not so much) or atheists, with one or two agnostics. (Oddly my most devout friend was most accepting of my beliefs - who would have guessed) I didn't speak much about my religion unless there was some very open moral, or religion-related discussion amongst known friends, probably because there was no-one else I knew in school (and I knew most in my year and the couple of years either side of my own) who had similar beliefs to me. I was glad "religious education" ended pretty early in school - only the major religions were ever covered (Christians, Muslims, Jews, Hindus and Buddhists were all that was covered) so the kids were uneducated as to minority beliefs. It could get very awkward, very quickly, especially as the introverted kid I was. Don't get me wrong, I like people, but they were damned exhausting. Curious people were slightly worse, and ignorant jack-asses were the worst of all by a long-shot.

So it is a bit odd to get the chance to speak freely to people that know what I'm on about. It might take a bit of trying to make myself open up properly. The people that grew up around others with similar beliefs definitely seem more open about it, but that might also be their extroverted personalities. I'm going to try for all I'm worth to keep this chance alive, because its an amazing opportunity for me.

I need to go guys. See you all soon.

Bummer...

Kinda sad that my "100th post" was only my 90th actually posted. I didn't realise the rest were drafts I hadn't finished yet. :/ Oh well, a few more to go.

Back to craziness, and my 100th post

So life is getting busy already. The lectures this year are a lot harder to get a grasp of. So for now, its just slogging along. Unfortunately, I think it means that there may be no NaNo for me this year. No way am I going to able to keep up with uni if I'm distractied with trying to write a novel. But something has given me an idea. One of the girls I follow on YouTube is currently having a go at Vlogtober. Now thats a totally cool idea, but I don't have a vlog. No matter, though, because I have a blog instead. :) I might have a go in November (though it won't be vlogtober anymore, but hey). I figure it'll be slightly more possible than novel-writing will be. My only issue will be the days where I'm without internet, which is likely to be kind of frequent with all the remembrance/OTC stuff and National Youth Pipe Band of Scotland stuff going on in November, but I'm sure I'll manage.
That reminds me, the Youth Band have two major concerts coming up. If any of you are up in Aberdeen on the 24th November, or in Glasgow on the 30th, think about coming along, especially if you are into the scottish music scene. (Click on the cities for links to information about each concert.) Hope to see some of you there.


On a totally different track, this is my 100th post. Calls for a poem, I think.
One of my long-missing poems that have been recovered from my revived Webook account. :) The upside of going back a year later is that it gives you the perspective to edit properly.

A Peek Inside the Wandering Mind of a Girl in Physics Class

Gentle, damp

A Calm Lake in the eternal expanse of the thoughts.

White sun on blue sky,

If it could indeed be called that.

A breeze fighting with lightning past the horizon

I could roll my eyes at.

Colours everywhere.

Lilies on the lake edge,

Grape vines on pine trees,

Beds of unstinging nettles underfoot.

Birds!

Big, small

blue, yellow, red

Shooting around.

Wings resembling my own,

and the angels above

and the fallen in the lake below.

A rainbow thrown between fingertips,

Joining every presence.

Colour.

Beauty.

Guess what I just found!

Ok, so I don't know if I ever mentioned it, but I remember being absolutely devastated when I one day found I couldn't log into Webook (an online site where writers can post their work and gain feedback, or just have a place they can store and have easy access to it while away from their home computer). I can't remember exactly when it was, but it was more than a year ago.
The site had just gone down, no warning, nothing, and was still down when I checked frequently throughout NaNo (well, I had loads of ideas on there that I could have used). Since the site was essentially my back-up for some of my poems, and the only home of a lot of my just-for-fun writing (like my poetry, an unfinished fantasy/sci-fi novel which I don't plan for anyone to ever read - I had only reached chapter 17 when the site went down; an idea for a plot, and various other projects I was working on with other writers on the site) a lot of my stuff seemed to just disappear off the face of the planet. I was devastated.

Anyway, the point of that backstory was, while I was surfing Grooveshark trying to find some new music to refresh my novel-writing playlist in time for NaNo, and put together a studying playlist, I randomly thought, for the first time since the crash to have a look to see what had happened to the site. What I found was surprising - not only was the webook blog back up, with new owners, admin, and an explanation for why the site had gone down (the old owners ran out of cash and pulled the plug), but the whole site was back up!

I was wary at first because the blog had mentioned signing up. But chrome automatically put in my username, so I had hope. Adding my password, I scrolled down the page to find all my projects, posts, reviews, friends and groups were ALL THERE!!!

I can't explain how happy I am to have all my old writing back.

I might start uploading last years NaNo a chapter at a time as I continue to sort out the obvious issues and fill in the gaps in the last few chapters (well, I know what happens - its note down in my storyboard, I just never actually wrote it yet. In the fast-paced way of NaNo, if I get stuck, I just skip little bits and come back later, but towards the end, I just didn't come back to fix it.) Otherwise, I'm going to get to putting a back-up of all the stuff that was previously lost into my external hard-drive and maybe a couple of pen-drives.
(wow, my old novel seems really childish, but hey, its fun-writing. Its meant to be fun -don't judge)

Which reminds me, I might make a page here for NaNo this year if I decide to go ahead. I figure if I put my writing up here, I have to be held responsible to actually write, and if I put it on a separate page, its out of the way and doesn't get mixed up with my other writing. Plus, it gives me a back-up without scrivener taking a hissy-fit at me for trying to save in more than one place (since, I'll probably write in scrivener and copy-paste into here, unless I feel like writing on my ipad, where things'll happen the other way around)

For now, I'm off to surf around webook and see whats been going on while I was away. Bye, guys

Bento experiment, last weekend before class starts

In my glass: tropical squash (or diluting juice as we call it in my family)
From my iPod: Last NaNo's Novel-writing playlist (trying to find inspiration for this years plot, in case I turn into a lunatic and decide to do it this year)
From my bookshelf: Nothing
Outside: cloudy
My mood: tired
Today's hairstyle:down most of the day, up in a cinnabun now since I was getting too hot

Evening.

So I've been sitting at my computer typing out that article (and discovering articles are really not my thing) and trying to sort out a plot for November. Sadly, this year, my plot is finding itself to be much more elusive than last year, so much so that I'm still working on finishing all the chapters in last years novel. I guess part of it is that I want all the loose ends tied up, and when you're already writing, the plot bunnies seem to multiply.
Maybe I just need to start writing new stuff again. A lot of my works in progress are losing their momentum, because theres nothing fresh coming into my folio. I used to put poetry up here, but a lot of the stuff that is left is rather dark and dreary stuff I wrote during my not-so-good times. Now that things are better for now, I'd much rather be posting stuff that matches my mood. Happy poetry is unusually difficult to write though.

In terms of the bento box idea I mentioned yesterday, I put together a simple box. I think I have a bit of work to do. I definitely need to work on the rice. Hot, it was nice, but cold, not so much. Its seemed kind of stodgy. I think next time, I'll try a different lettuce. the iceberg tasted kind of bitter for some reason. don't know why, since it was a new one. The butternut-squash-cheese ball was gooooood, though I think it could have been even better with a crunchy shell, maybe a breadcrumb coating, lightly fried. The omelette-squash wrap was good too, but the squash tasted a bit bland. I might try boiling some of my veggies with a stock cube or something. Or maybe puree it and add some spices before wrapping it. Hmm - things to think about. It's going to be a week and a half before I can pick up my first veg bag since I've still to sign up, so I have time to think about things and try them out.
I must admit though, I loved the colour, and as small as it looks when you pack the food, it does fill you up pretty quickly.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Tai Chi and a new endeavour for the start of term.

 In my glass: Sanpellegrino lemon
From my iPod: Riders on the Storm (by Jaz Coleman and Kennedy) and Airplanes (By B.o.B)... Yeah, about as opposite as you can get
From my bookshelf: Nothing, yet.
Outside: dark
My mood: cheerful
Today's hairstyle:Celtic knot, held with my custom-made Aliarose stick (because I figured I'd go for one of my fancier sticks for the tai chi demo, rather than my usual nice, but less fancy go-to hair things)

Good evening all. This'll be a quick one since I'll be out with the guys from the band if all goes as planned.
Anyway, today we had a Tai Chi demonstration for the new Confucious Institute Opening. The demo seemed to go really well, and I think it might have been one of the best times I've done the form, which is always good. I've to finish an article for the student newspaper before uni starts on monday. I'm looking forward to seeing the garden in the Confucious Institute - I'm going to have to pop in sometime.

In terms of my new endeavour, I was trying to think of ways to eat better and spend less money this term. Part of the issue I always had with packed lunches is that after a while, they get so boring. I decided, since I have no classes on Tuesday lunchtime for the first time ever, I'm going to head down and sign up for the veg-cooperative  at the uni. You order a bag of local veg for £6 and pick it up on the tuesday after. Ok, but I was stuck with how to make it interesting, and remembered something I had come across once when I was video-surfing on youtube across various cooking channels (I think I had been looking for a recipe for pumpkin soup last autumn when I went on a video spree) - bento boxes. I have my answer. Basically, its healthy, and its pretty, and it doesn't really take all that much longer than a regular packed lunch to prepare -its the pre-cooking the short-grain rice that takes longest, but you can do a big batch and freeze it.
So I made up a few things to try tomorrow, mostly just out of left-overs in the fridge. I made up a batch of rice (but I should have left the lid on the pan until it cooled a bit,because it hasn't clumped together so well), and split it into single servings, then I made two super-thin little omelettes (I used one egg and cooked it in the biggest frying pan, before splitting it in half, adding some left-over butternut squash and rolled up. Then I still had some butternut squash left so I mashed it up and added a little soft cheese to make little balls. Everything is sitting in the fridge, above the veggie box, so I can just rip up some fresh veggies in the morning to fill up the space.

It barely took any time at all, so we'll see how well things go for me. It'll be interesting too to see how I can work in any less familiar veggies that might come in my veg back.

For now, good-bye guys :)

The Importance of Speaking Freely

In my glass: water
From my iPod: Rhythm of Love, by Plain White T's (from my Grooveshark "Happy" playlist)
From my bookshelf: Nothing. Since its Freshers, I thought it best not to start on any big books with third year looming large over me.
Outside: cool, but sunny
My mood: cheerful
Today's hairstyle: Celtic knot on wet hair

Afternoon all.
So back over on the LHC, we have a thread in the members-only Friendship Board titled "Rude Questions You've Always Wanted to ask...". Basically over there, we talk about topics which we would otherwise be hard-pressed to be able to talk about in normal society. We have a kind of unspoken agreement not to let an argument go too far, and that rude questions by definition usually elicit rude answers. But as odd as it may sound to have a thread in such a friendly forum especially dedicated to things seen as rude orto which people might take offence to, it has actually become a very valuable thread for some of us.
When I first entered the thread in early June (we were already around 2000 posts in on various issues, and the thread is still going strong with at least daily posts since) the current discussion was on the issue of illegal immigrants, and the racism felt by legal immigrants who are sometimes assumed by the community to be illegal. A difficult discussion to have in public, due to the hefty accusations or offence that could be taken by much of the community. Part of what was discussed was that racism was seen in some parts of the world, and by some people to be an inherent part of the illegal immigrant issues (for example, it would be common in their area to hear phrases like "go back to where you came from") and that made it difficult in trying to discuss the semantics of legal and illegal immigration. For example, some of us, me included, don't associate colour or race with illegal immigrants, probably because I grew up in an area where there were a fair number of completely legal immigrants from all sorts of places and all sorts of races, and that continues to be the case up here at University. The thing was that a lot of us held the belief that we hold little respect for those who break the law, and therefore illegal immigrants, but also that people are innocent until proven guilty, so the "go back to where you came from" statement simply doesn't make sense to us, when we automatically assume the person has every right to be there.
We also talked about ancestry, the difficulty many of us have with understanding the need to know their ancestry, or even the problems with using ancestry in an argument relevant to current issues and thedifference between that and what makes up a person right now. Now that caused a few fireworks, because some people take their geneaology very seriously, but many of us also place very little importance on individual relations.

One really interesting topic we had was on the subject of rudeness itself. The topic initially started with a question (from one of my fellow UK-ers, I think. Unfortunately the site seems to be really slow today for some reason,so don't take my word for it) on why people often don't smile back at her when she gives someone a friendly smile. This somewhat confused me too, being from a rural area of Scotland, where its fairly common to stop and chat to your naighbours on a walk or such like, and I too had experienced this, especially in places like Glasgow, or worse, London. What we eventually discovered after a fair bit of confusion and rude answers (since, yes, rude questions elicit rude answers. we don't take it to heart) was that there seems to be two types of politeness in the world - positive-aspect and negative-aspect. Myself and the initial poster of the question appear to be from area with positive-aspect politeness. What that means is that certain gestures, like waving, smiling to someone you pass, saying hi to someone you're next to for any length of time, saying "excuse me" as you squeeze past someone in the street, is considered "polite", kind, or the norm. In an area of negative-aspect politeness, the situation is quite different, and indeed the gestures mentioned previously would be seen as positively rude. Negative-aspect isn't a "bad" thing like the term may suggest, but rather it is just the opposite way of thinking to the positive-aspect areas where forward actions are made by a person towards another person in society. In a Negative-aspect society, politeness is keeping out of peoples way, not demanding attention from someone you don't know through speaking to them, or doing many of the gestures perhaps considered polite in a positive-aspect society. When we reached that conclusion, it was quite amazing to us that all this time, we had been misunderstanding cultural norms in the areas we had been visiting, especially since the negative-aspect way of thinking is evident in many large cities, where huge numbers of people live and work, such as London, or Glasgow, where I had previously experienced this sort of thing.

The thing is, these revelations are just a couple of the things that have become evident through people simply asking questions that would not otherwise be asked, and through people understanding that careful consideration and carefully worded replies are needed to solve such sensitive issues, as well as not taking rude come-backs to heart. It has been invaluable to me on the forum, especially for realising cultural differences between that I was brought up in, the various different parts of America, Canada, and a number of other countries as well, as well as confusion over language and differences in political correctness across the world. It kind of makes me sad that many of these revelations could likely never have been made if we were to bring up the subject in regular society. I also realise that in many other, perhaps less friendly forums this thread full of revelation would not still exist, alive and kicking as it is today. In fact, todays topic is again the topic of racism, and whether groups set up to help people from certain countries or races don't actually help to perpetuate further segregation.

Anyway, if anyone has anything to say about any of the above topics, feel free to contribute in the comments (just keep things civil). For now, I'm going to sort out my uni timetable for next week, spend some more time back over at the LHC, figure out when I will have time to do a full henna on my hair (I know my hair is quite red-ish anyway especially with the slight sun-bleaching on my ends, but I want MORE GINGER!! heehee), and then iron my outfit and head to Tai Chi tonight as final prep for our demonstration tomorrow.

Speak soon, folks




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Hello again :)

Hello everyone. :) I know, it's been quiet around here lately. Times have been busy, but thats summer for you.

So, at the start of the summer, I went on a trip to Charlie McKerrons music week at Inshraich House (home of the insider festival). A whole week of playing fiddle after a stressful year where I barely played any was brilliant. A whole host of tunes that ill probably need to note down soon so I remember that I know them if I go looking for ceilidh tunes.

Then I went sailing with my uncle and spent some time with my second cousins. Most of our sailing time, we were in lasers (little one-man dingys for the non-sailers out there).
I was barely back a week before I was out with the OTC sailing club on a 42-footer, called East End Endeavour to earn our Competent Crew qualification.




Once that was over, again I was barely home long when I was off to Moscow with the combined SUOTC pipes and drums. That was great fun, but unfortunately I was I'll for most of the trip. I felt flu-y for the first five days or so, then I got a migraine for three days (great fun when you're surrounded by bright lights and loud music). So I was basically feeling better by the time the last day came along. In any case, the buildings were beautiful. Here's a picture of St. Basil's, just because it was really pretty, especially when it was lit up during the show in Red Square.










So now its fresher's week in Aberdeen again, my old flatmate is gone, and my new flatmate has arrived. It's beautifully sunny, so I'm making the most of it before tomorrows forecast rain.



See you all soon (hopefully). :)

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Not much happening

In my glass: water
From my iPod: no idea - haven't been using it much
From my bookshelf:still a Clash of Kings - haven't been reading much lately
Outside: really warm but cloudy
My mood:ok
Today's hairstyle:nautilus with green ketylo

So it's been a quiet couple of weeks, bar the work on my parents new kitchen. I've been painting, reading up on homeopathy, and helping out my parents, in amongst trying to escape what has been, until the last day or two, scorching lay hot weather. It's been almost 25C a lot of days - we usually barely get to nineteen or twenty this time of year. I burn really easily, but I've so far managed to avoid it, so at least my efforts are paying off, even if my mum is tanning browner by the day, and I'm still pasty white - at least I'm not burnt.
I plan to go out and collect some elderflowers today, though since we currently don't have a stove or an oven, I can't really make cordial, so I'll have another go at a gallon of wine. I've been trying to think of other things to make wine with that I can collect while I'm out at my parents. I may make some tinctures too.
I'm going down to London this weekend, to go sailing with my uncle. I've never been sailing before, but it looks like it'll be great fun. What it does mean is that you're unlikely to hear much from me since I'll be off on a yacht all week.
So that's my quick update of a hot week in Perthshire. See you all sometime. :)


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It's been a while (again)

In my glass: nothing
From my iPod: Blue Afternoon, Rachel Stevens
From my bookshelf: A Clash of Kings, by George R. R. Martin. - the second book of the Game of Thrones book series
Outside:fairly bright - waiting
My mood: ok
Today's hairstyle: nautilus with a Ketylo

Sorry guys. You know how it is. Uni has finished, and the weeks have been flying past.
For those who are wondering, I passed all my exams, and inside, my mind is running around screaming "YAY! NO MORE ANATOMY!!!" Never again. Ever. I cant deny its been useful, but for the next two years, I actually get to do a bit of what I came here to do in the first place - pharmacology. Finally.

So, onto other things. Turns out, the band isn't playing in Edinburgh at the Tattoo anymore. Damn. In any case, I may or may not be going on a trip away elsewhere in the start of September, depending of which of us three bass drummers that have put in for it gets selected - I doubt they would let all three of us go, since its just a select group of pipers and drummers going.

Part of the reason I've not been in touch is because of a tragedy involving one of my fellow musicians. One of the pipers I played with in the youth band for years passed away very recently, and its affected everyone in the band community since he was such a lovely person. I actually wrote a whole post on it, and it disappeared into the stratosphere somewhere when I tried to post it. It was too emotional to try again, so I just left it.

Tomorrow is the European Pipe Band Championships. Thinking it should be good fun. I can't believe we're in June already and I have only been to one, tiny competition. I think I'll miss the fun of the trip to Ireland, with it being in Forres this year, but I'm also glad I'm not spending two days travelling for the ten minutes each band plays for.

I can't decide if its a really bad thing that I'm starting to rather like my roommate for next year probably more than I should be for him being my roommate. Let me ponder it for a while?

Oh, and I'm doing the LHC summer swap again. I'm still collating stuff and waiting for other stuff to arrive before sending my gifted her present. I went over-budget a bit, but oh well.

I'm working on a few posts at the moment, but none of them are even close to being ready to post, mostly because I'm still trying to figure out my own points of view on the subjects. LHC debates are helping me somewhat come to a conclusion for some of them. I'll try to get some more posts to you soon.

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Ooh, 999 page views!

In my glass: jasmine green tea
From my iPod: Thanig an Gille Dubh (a lovely Gaelic song from a cd I got at the NCETM)
From my bookshelf: Anatomy
Outside: dark
My mood: good
Today's hairstyle: nautilus, followed by knot-pony, followed by English braid
I know what youre thinking: two posts so soon? Well, in celebration of my nearing 1000 views, and of finally becoming a "Guru" over on the LHC after more than two years, I have one of my own poems for you. But first, a couple of things..
For those of you LHC-ers (you know who you are) out there, whether you've been following me, or simply clicked on my siggy-link, I wish to ask a question: what do you think my new custom user title should be? (For those of you who are newer to the forum, or not on at all, those who reach the required post-count and also spend more than 365 days on the forum can change the section that says "member" under their username). If you have any ideas the either post them down below or send me a little PM on the boards (name is tigereye over there too)
Second of all, an update on me: so its the middle of exam time, and I have merely four days until they are all over. Yes, I'm stressing, but after the horrific year I've had this one, I have to admit, this is truly the best I have felt in a long, long time. Maybe it's something to do with the sun, and having the time to spend outdoors, even if revising, but I do think its something much more than that. Something appears to have made a huge mark on my life, though I won't say what for sake of jinxing it - don't worry, you can probably guess, and even so,will all know in time. Anyway, the pain in my life has become so much easier to bear, and yes, sometimes I even forget, except for maybe when one of my uncles tunes comes on the radio, or iPod, or at a concert, or a gig, and I'm struck by a feeling of loss once more. But even then, I don't so much feel the pain. It's mostly given way to a sort of gladness that I was blessed to be a part of that family, to still be able to hear his music being played, to know that his time here, though too short, will never be forgotten. And true, sometimes it still is really painful, and the legacy left to me is often difficult to bear, I can still see it somewhat as a gift. I may not see myself as a great musician, but I still find the great joy in playing music. I may still be known to many as daughter, granddaughter, niece, sister of all those infamous musicians of the family, but really, that no longer bothers me. I no longer have the need to fight that identity in order to be seen as me. In fact, I see it almost as a great gift, that I grew up around such wonderful music, and be blessed with such a wonderful family. It is as much a part of "me" as any of the other things I've ever mentioned here. I feel so much further on than I did during my more depressive periods this past year, and even before that, in the time since my uncles death. The death of three people from my high school in the last year, two of which were in my year, and classes, before we all parted ways two short years ago, has hit me hard. The knowledge that one of those was a suicide hit me even harder, especially because of the difficulty I had with coming to terms with my uncles. I missed the anniversary this year. We always used to go up to his gravesite on the day in December - a wee group of us - but I missed it this year; I was in uni, and didn't finish in time to go. That was hard. But like I said, this is definitely a better time for me. I will go back up to the grave when i go home this summer. Lay some flowers, maybe play a tune on my fiddle, just have some time there by myself. I still plan on getting that tattoo. I think it will be easier now, maybe to see it as somewhat of a more happy reminder. As I recently explained to a close friend, it doesn't represent death, so much as a reminder that life needn't be taken so seriously all the time.
Thirdly, my brother is much better now. He is off the majority of his meds,has come off the warfarin, and even has a job bag piping a few days a week. He brings in more money in a week than I seem to make in a whole month. The clot is still there, and will probably forever be there, but, bar some headaches, it no longer affects him so much. He's currently also in the middle of the exams he missed when this happened last year. I think the experience has changed him somewhat, but neither for better, or for worse. He is still my brother, and I cannot express how happy I am to still have him here. It also made me realise how many people there are out there who truly care about us. Sometimes it feels like there are none other than my brother (for I know he is always there for me) who care, but this showed me just how many people really do.
Fourthly, a few lines that crossed my mind today when I came across my old dance shoes and my painted wooden folding fan as I was packing: "Life is a dance we all begin as a child - an ever changing beat we move with. We can chose how to dance, and even whether to dance at all. I do not know much, but I do know that I dance not for the money, for beauty, but for the love of the dance itself. To find the rhythm that keeps life good - keeps me good, with the people, with the music, and with the life that makes me, me.."

And lastly, that poem. It is called "Morning, Sleepyhead" and yes, it is one of my own poems:

A little tap against my cheek
Startles me awake from fitful dreams
Of tigers chasing dolphins in a clear sea

Blue eyes stare down at me
One side reflecting the first pink glint
Of a morning sunrise over distant hills

I close my eyes again in vain
An attempt to return to those odd visions
Of tigers, dolphins, sea - but all gone now.

The tap comes again

My eyes shooting open once more
Catch the tiny, furry paw pulling quickly back
To support his wobbly crouch right on my sternum.

The little weight shifts as he looks at me
And his mouth opens in a big, wide yawn,
Showing all his perfect white teeth in the light.

His whiskers tickle the back of my hand
As I go to rub my eyes somewhat awake
An odd, light sensation still somewhat ethereal.

I move to sit up and yawn widely
The first sudden burst of sun catching my eye.
He glowers at me as he topples into my lap.

The scratchy tongue runs over my finger
Velcro over hard nail and soft skin.
He stands up, sleek, cream and brown.

His huge eyes sit large in his angular face
And he opens his mouth: "prrrmmrraaaaaooowww"
Says he, in his low, unbefitting voice.

Such is the morning ritual of our little Siamese

Location:Aberdeen

A poem from my childhood

This poem used to be on my wall as a child, and was probably one of the first poems I loved. As such, I can still remember all the words. It is unfortunate that some of the words, formerly completely innocent, have taken on alternative meanings with modern language, as it is a lovely old poem from the 19th century.

The Owl and the Pussy-Cat, by Edward Lear

The Owl and the Pussy-cat went to sea
In a beautiful pea-green boat,
They took some honey and plenty of money,
Wrapped up in a five-pound note.
The Owl looked up to the stars above
And sang to a small guitar
'O lovely Pussy! O Pussy my love,
What a wonderful Pussy you are
You are,
What a wonderful Pussy you are.

Pussy said to the Owl, 'You elegant fowl!
How charmingly sweet you sing!
O let us be married! Too long we have tarried:
But what shall we do for a ring?'
They sailed away, for a year and a day,
To the land where the Bong-tree grows,
And there in a wood, a Piggy-wig stood,
With a ring at the end of his nose,
His nose,
With a ring at the end of his nose.

'Dear Pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling
Your ring?' Said the Piggy, 'I will.'
So they took it away and were married next day
By the Turkey who lives on the hill.
They dined on mince, and slices of quince,
Which they ate with a runcible spoon;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,
The danced by the light of the moon,
The moon,
They danced by the light of the moon.


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Taking a leaf out of the witches book

In my glass: jasmine green tea
From my iPod: Riders on the Storm, the Doors Concerto by Jaz Coleman and Kennedy
From my bookshelf: Anatomy
Outside: sunny
My mood: kinda lazy today. Must get going and tidy up the flat so I can get out the house and study in the sun
Today's hairstyle: loose at the moment, but think I might go for a half-up. Maybe a half-up beavertail.

So now I have a little time to relax and think again in between studying, I've been turning a little more back towards my pagan faith and all the other related stuff that goes with it.
Last weekend the Tai Chi club I'm a part of went away to a bothy near one of the many lochs in the highlands. It was probably one of the best decisions I've ever made, massively reducing my overall stress levels and making it easier to function on a whole.
Anyway, all the meditation and general body-mind-spirit stuff I was getting going made me realise I had truly missed all that which I used to do and learnt with my beliefs as a pagan.
So the other day, I made a decision. I decided to take a leaf out of the books of Wicca and witchcraft and note down the stuff I find important in a sort of equivalent to their Book of Shadows. I currently have two books started - one for my herbalism and one for meditation notes and general spirituality. The herbalism one is currently set out much like a guide, with instructions for brewing, ink making, producing ointments, teas etc., drying herbs and flowers, and so on, followed by a list of poisonous plants, and a guide on each of the plants and herbs I may use. I plan to add images and paintings to help identification. I'm also adding some recipes to the rear of the book. I have a feeling this book could expand into many volumes as my herbal knowledge increases, and I'm glad I'm writing it all down.
The Meditation one however, is more like a journal of my thoughts and experiences from my practice

Anyway, that's all I have for just now. I'm on the UK witchvox site, by the way, so if anyone else is over there, feel free to drop a note. Names still Tigereye :)

See you all soon. Xx

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Another photo

Again, no editing, photoshop, Instagram or otherwise (simply because I don't use Instagram, and have no idea how photoshop works). Taken on my iPad mini, and the lighting is all thanks to the sun.


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Last week of lectures

In my glass: coca cola
From my iPod: nothing
From my bookshelf: Energy For Life Uni work
Outside: sunny, but a bit windy
My mood: pretty good, but freaking about exams
Today's hairstyle: nautilus with 60th street fork

So as I sit here on the grass in the sunshine, before my last class of term, to the music of a guy playing his guitar and harmonica to the tune of some Scottish pieces I know, but can't remember the name of, I thought I'd update you on what's been going on this last while.
I'm freaking out about exams again. Less than two weeks to go til energy for life, which we are all worried about. It should be easy from what the lecturers are saying, but it seems to us like its going to be mega difficult. Only time, and plenty of revising, will tell. The problem is that when I get stressed I lose the motivation, and end up having to fight to make myself revise. Which is ok. I just wish it wasn't quite as hard to push myself to do it.

The weather on the other hand, has been great. We even went to the beach on Tuesday, had a game of football which left our feet bleeding from the rocks in the sand, and swam for a little bit in the sea (it was cold!). Yesterday, three of us went to Cosmos in Union Square for lunch, which was lovely. We plan, after the horrific Energy For Life Exam is over, to go out again to the beach, and swim if its sunny, then head to a Japanese restaurant for food. I spend too much money at exam time, but its worth it to have fun and de-stress a bit.
Plus, the Tai Chi club have their weekend away, where I plan to revise, in amongst periods of meditation, tai chi and whatever stuff we all decide to do. Should be good, and I bet I'll actually study better with a bit more meditation and tai chi to keep me going.
I also should have my driving theory next week, if I can get a hold of one of the staff sergeants to give me the address of the test centre I was booked into.
That's all for now. Gotta run to my tutorial


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Failte - a pipe band concert

So Saturday night was the night of the Failte concert - a concert with Bucksburn and District and St. Laurence O' Toole Pipe bands. To give a little insight, to those of you that don't know, Bucksburn and District are one of the local Aberdeenshire bands, whilst St. Laurence O' Toole (SLOT as we call them) are a top grade pipe band from Dublin, who won the RSPBA World Championships in 2010.
It was something many people were looking forward to, and I must admit, it was nice to have everyone else coming to Aberdeen for a change, rather than always going somewhere else.
In any case, my family and I had a little drink at my flat, then we went out for dinner at Wagamamas, before heading up to the pub across the road from the concert hall. The whole place was very busy, since the AUSA Torcher parade was also on at the same time.
We went in and sat down at half past seven, in this beautiful music hall. Then Bucksburn struck up and the concert started. In each half, Bucksburn, then SLOT played.
Unfortunately, I don't think the room is at all geared up for pipe bands. There was a hideous echo where we were sitting, though I don't think my ringing, sore ears was all due to the building. It took until the second half before I realised that it actually sounded good when Bucksburn were on stage. Sure it was loud, and echo-ey (though from what my dad said the echo was much better at the back where the sound man was -pumping up the volume *sigh*), but the ensemble was there. It sounded good.
But when SLOT was on - man my ears were sore. The huge crack of side drummers absolutely battering away at sharp side drums, unendingly slightly ahead of the rest of the music, the echo filling the room with undefinable sound, so loud that I heard more than a few people complaining that they couldn't even hear the pipes, since the drumming was so off-putting. Why the need to batter it so hard? Surely it's harder to play the complex stuff anyway if your hands are moving so far off the drum with each hit? The drum kit was as bad, as it was actually mic-ed up. When the poor fiddle player was playing, you couldn't hear a thing. By the time it was half-way through their part in the second half, I had my hands covering my ears and was exceptionally close to walking out in the middle of the set. Not what you expect from a group of recent world champions.
And the continuous tuning. It always seemed to me rather unprofessional to tune on stage. But to be honest, the piping was, when we could hear it over the drums, pretty good.
I feel kind of sorry for Bucksburn and for the pipers of SLOT. For most of the people who were unimpressed, (I even heard one person say he would never go to another band concert) it was because of the drumming, and the awful ensemble that went with it. Perhaps on stage it sounded different, as most of the band seemed chuffed when we saw them later, but that's not where it matters - what matters is what the audience hear.
*sigh*

At least the one thing it did do was let me see the building. I can see us having a similar sound issue with the drum kit come the November concert. Hopefully I can convince the guy in charge, and the sound men that too loud is really not good. I hope they don't mic up our side drums. Even more relaxed drummers playing quieter won't help then.

Thank the goddess I'm not an official reviewer. Lets hope their reviewer was sitting in a better seat than me, and heard a better performance, or it would be an unfortunate downer for the bands I think.

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Location:Aberdeen music hall

A few photos from the last two weeks

The sun finally arrives in Aberdeen:


The crocuses appeared over the spring holidays - now the daffodils are taking over:



The first leaves are finally bursting open:


Spring has been a long time coming. I'm looking forwards to being able to leave the heavy coat at home.
All these pictures were taken using my iPad, and have not undergone any photoshopping, or instagramming, or editing of any type.

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The end of the "holidays"

In my glass: water
From my iPod: High Hopes, by Pink Floyd
From my bookshelf: anatomy
Outside: sunny
My mood: alright
Today's hairstyle: a nautilus on wet (just washed) hair with my emergent glassworks octopus stick
So, we're into the first week back at uni, and its already Wednesday before I've managed to get around to posting on here. Wow things have been busy.
As you will know from my last post, I was just heading off to spring camp with the OTC last time you heard from me. It was cold. And I mean really cold. There was snow on the ground for the whole exercise, and stag duty at 2.30am was really not fun in -5 degrees. My ankle was painful and I couldn't do a lot of the exercise, since even though I was popping painkillers, paracetamol and ibuprofen don't seem to help much, and my ankle was getting more swollen by the day. I believe there were a couple of injuries, and a couple of people came off sick, one possibly with the very beginnings of hypothermia. I think it was the cold that made most people miserable to be honest. To say it was challenging would be an understatement.
On the upside, I passed my MOD2 exam, so a pay rise is on the horizon. YAY, more money! I need it desperately.
It seems that Basel is off for us this year, sadly. We're hoping to get to go to Edinburgh tattoo, but we don't know yet. I just hope we get to go to something this summer, since I've held off on a summer job in the hope that we are going, and its soon going to be too late for me to get one if we lose the job.
In other news, university is back, as stressful as ever. We had our mid-term physiology exam on Tuesday (our second day back) and I have no idea whether it went well or absolutely awful. I guess we will just have to wait and see. I'm tempted to say it went ok, but anatomy has so far proved to me that I'm not the best judge of my own grades in tests.
Tomorrow we have our final lab for Energy For Life,, then we have a week to write up our report. So far just about every lab has been a disaster - I think the enzymes have degenerated too much. So this report could be FUN....
Oh, and there's the tai chi trip just before my exams. Hopefully it will help me relax a bit and be less stressed out, and I'm sure I can still find time to revise, since everyone will have exams on then too.
In the meantime, I have sailing theory to read up on, and a youth band practice in Glasgow at the weekend (involving getting a train at 5.30am, with band kit, and knowing there's a possibility of having to fix the harness back to fit me, since no doubt someone will have changed it again, with me having been away so long). Plus, I don't know how many people re left that I will even know. I must be one of the longer serving members now, and the band had a whole overhaul in members over the winter. Hopefully this increase in pay at the OTC will free me up a little more for youth and stuff in the future. Mind you, perhaps if I book the October trains now I will get a decent price. Hmm.
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Kinda sad

In my glass: nothing
From my iPod: Valley of Strathmore, by Silly Wizzard (there's other music on the bus radio, but cheery music is not what I want at the moment)
From my bookshelf: about 5 chapters into A Game of Thrones, but haven't had time to read it
Outside: cold. Had feet of snow piled up at home when I was there. Nothing in Aberdeen, but on way to Edinburgh, so no idea what it'll be like
My mood: sad, and worried
Todays hairstyle: standard braided bun with spin pins and hair net for OTC

My poor (few, though very much appreciated) readers. I'm afraid I've been a bit quiet on here recently. Almost neglecting you all. Truth be told I've not really been my best this last while.
I'd already written you a long post but it got lost in the system somewhere, so here goes again. Only now my flow has gone. :(
I've been a bit down again and reminiscing about my uncle, and my boyfriend. It seems stupid since its been so long, but I can't stop thinking about it. Anyone who has ever lost anyone will know how it is. You never really get over it - you just learn to deal. And dealing this last while has been difficult. Don't know why, only that it has been weighing on my mind more than normal. But I don't feel like I can truly talk about it. It's so difficult to put into words what has been going through my head, and try as I do here, it's impossible to get everything down and still sound reasonably coherent.
The thing is, it's not just my losses that weigh so heavily on my mind, but its difficult to say all these things. It's the family history and the expectations that comes with being a part of that family. Feeling like I could never measure up to that. Being known for being so-and-so's daughter/niece/sister/granddaughter all over the world, and not just as me. (Thank the goddess and the god that the majority of the people at uni have no idea about my family.) It's not being able to do what I want because I get frustrated at my inability to be as good as other people in my family, as stupid as it is.
It's wanting to go get a tattoo remembering them both, but being afraid of not being able to show anyone without them putting two and two together. I don't even feel like I could put it on the LHC since a part of it is so iconic of my uncle (and many of the people, and family close to him) in the worldwide band circle, and I don't want my identity being discovered and becoming so-and-so's daughter/niece/sister/granddaughter to yet another person in the world.
It's having my credibility as a musician questioned, or in some cases, ignored, because I chose to play the drum I do, regardless of my experience or ability to play other instruments. It's feeling like the most downtrodden and worthless member of the band, because I CHOSE to play an instrument I loved, rather than one of the apparently more complicated one. Is it SO WRONG to do something I love? I don't know. Sometimes I feel like it is.
It's the feeling of not being able to start a clean slate. Not being able to get rid of a reputation that I don't want, and that isn't me. It feels like a game of he said, she said, where I don't get the option to say anything. The thing is, with my boyfriends death sitting so heavily on my mind, I don't want to be that person they all expect me to be. Partly because of the guilt, because as long ago as all that happened, I still have such awful guilt from every single one of the guys since. Probably because I don't think a single one of them actually cared about me, and at the time, I needed that, but not now. I need someone, ANYONE, to care.
But it's not just all that either. There's so much shite going about in my head that I don't know where to start and where, if anywhere, it ends (apologies for the swearing, but I can't hold my frustration and sadness in any longer).
I can't even tell anyone. I need to, but I have had trust issues, (amped love issues, but that's a different story) since both losses, probably since compounded by all the OTC gossiping. Besides, how do you tell someone about death? How do you find someone you can trust to tell. And even when you do (I think there is one person in Aberdeen I can tell) I have no idea when would be the right time. So many times, I've almost sent a "hey, do you have time to talk?" message on Facebook, and then deleted it because I couldn't fathom how to put any of it into words. After all how can I? How do you talk about these things? My brain whirs ninety nine to the dozen half the time, in such convoluted ways, that so many threads run alongside one another, and I can't even speak fast enough to get it all out. My head just goes and goes and goes, and I just wish it would all stop.

To make all that even worse, I'm worried about spring camp. I don't want to ruin my ankle like I did last year, and I know it's not as strong - the Physio told me as much when they discharged me, so I'm meant to "go careful on it". Thing is, spring camp exercise is not a careful exercise. It's a running about crazy, not having the time to watch your feet. If I twist my ankle, I'm out - and I don't want to. Everyone thinks me lucky, but they have no idea how painful ripped ligaments are, and that they're so damaged now, it's mostly muscle holding my ankle in place. And muscle tires. This is going to be horrible. :(

Urgh. I'm done guys. I can't do more tonight. No idea when this'll go up, since my ipad doesn't have Internet, and I've never tried mobile hotspot on my iPhone before. Might be end of camp before it goes up. See you all sometime.
Hopefully feeling better...



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

The Early Bird

(A poem by me for the other early risers out there)

Never miss the first soft glimpse
Of the rising morning sun.
Birds are singing, flying, dancing
A picture of mirth and fun.
Even in those dreary days
When the sun is on the run,
Life is there knocking on the door
With the first of the morning sun